As We Are and As We Can Be |
How does life coaching fit into the theme and message of As We Are? How can we allow ourselves to be "as we are" and simultaneously want to change?
Many people miss the distinction between changing to meet other people's standards and changing as we grow into our best selves. In missing this distinction, it's possible to cheat ourselves out of opportunities to expand our lives and creating the life we dream of for ourselves.
Changing to meet other people's standards is a message we, as women, receive in myriad forms in our culture. The bottom line is that we're supposed to feel bad about ourselves if we don't "measure up" to the standard. Incredible numbers of women pour their hard-earned money into cosmetics, clothing, and accessories -- not to mention surgery -- in an attempt to "fix" themselves. It's questionable whether this actually fixes anything -- and at any rate, altering our external image rarely has much to do with our inner sense of self-worth or our overall life satisfaction.
Naomi Wolf nails it when she says:
We as women are trained to see ourselves as cheap imitations of fashion photographs, rather than seeing fashion photographs as cheap imitations of women.
(from The Beauty Myth)
Growing into our best selves is an altogether different kind of change. I think of it as allowing the seed in each of us to germinate, sprout, and flourish. Imagine each of us as a unique seed -- you may be a fairy-slipper orchid, while I may be a sunflower. You can either grow into a healthy orchid or a distorted orchid, but nothing in the world is going to turn you into a sunflower or an iris or a lilac. Embracing your "orchid-ness" and letting go of the impulse to change your basic nature is an act of courage that puts you squarely on your true path.
What conditions will support you to grow into a healthy orchid? How do you support yourself in your quest to live your best life?
• Envision it.
Creating an inspiring vision of your best life will fuel the journey to achieving it.
• Claim it.
Allow yourself to want what you want. Let it fill you until you can see it, taste it, breathe it, and feel it in every cell. Claiming a goal aligns your energy in pursuit of it.
• Identify steps to making it real.
A big goal may seem insurmountable. Breaking it down into do-able steps removes the daunting factor. If you're having trouble mapping out the steps on your own, brainstorm with someone else -- a friend, a family member, or a coach. Seek support to look at your quest from new angles.
• Go for it.
Apply yourself, work your butt off, and don't let anything stop you.
• Trust the process.
And remember to be patient with the ups and downs.
• Use everything on your path to grow.
Live your life as though the answer to "Why did this happen?" is never "Because life sucks." Embrace the learning in every situation. Seek out the silver linings. Keep on keepin' on.
You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it, however.
-- Richard Bach, Illusions
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Kira Freed |
| About the author: |
| Kira Freed is a Certified Life Coach (CLC) and former psychotherapist with master's degrees in counseling psychology and anthropology. She has been passionate about personal growth since her teenage years and has been fortunate to attend a wealth of professional trainings and workshops. She has worked in the field of human development since 1990 and is inspired by and honored to collaborate with coaching clients in the emergence and expression of their authentic selves. Kira lives in Tucson, Arizona, and most of her clients work with her by telephone. She can be reached at
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for more information or to book a coaching session. She offers a sliding scale, and the first session is free. This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it |
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