What's Love Got to Do with It? |
In her book, Love & Economics: Why the laissez-faire family doesn't work, Jennifer Roback Morse, contributor to Forbes magazine, argues that a woman cannot pursue self-interests at the expense of her family. Frankly, I wish she would name names.
With a broad sweep of her keyboard, she indicted the unpleasant state of the family in the United States. Some of her points are valid, but it also kind of irks me. Women have made choices. We decided to have (or not have) children. The fact you are able to pursue your own interests doesn't make you a less loving mother, but to my mind it makes you a hero.
It takes an enormous amount of effort to regularly schedule time for ourselves -- take classes, paint, travel, write, teach. These are the things that help us grow as women and mothers. And yet these very same things are Morse's idea of "dangerous" self-interests. My sisters do not sacrifice their children for their careers. Happily, they are not among the millions of moms who have become resentful because they have devoted every waking moment to the needs and wants of their children and are left unfulfilled. Nor have my sisters wished away the youth of their children or tried to hurry them into growing up.
Further, I would suggest that single moms are capable of producing loving children. I do think, however, that in the company of regular 24/7 day care, children develop a kind of pseudo love for their caregivers. Day care is a fact of life. We're in an economy that requires two-parent incomes to sustain a family.
On the flip side, Morse argues against the moms who fulfill their dreams and sacrifice the time that would have otherwise been spent indulging in motherhood -- can you say Erin Brockovich?
I sympathize with Morse -- she tried to be the perfect adoptive mom, but her career took her away from her duties as a mom. I do agree that love is an intangible thing and therefore immeasurable. I also agree that its lack has very tangible effects on children.
The problem is that mothers receive no tangible recognition. There are no raises, no benefits, no vacation time, no sick leave. And it's a forever thing. Stay-at-home moms are finding out the hard way that as the children leave home, they darn well had better develop self-interests or face becoming cloying, needy women. And that living vicariously through Junior leads them down a road of disappointment. |
Bernadette Sukley |
| About the author: |
| Bernadette Sukley has written, edited, fact checked for nearly 20 years. Her topics range from health to sports and lifestyle, from human interest to hard news. Her work has appeared in Men’s Health, Sports Illustrated for Women, and ABROAD magazines. Currently polishing up 3 novels for publication, she welcomes discussions on women and literature.
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