Three little words always capture my husband’s attention. Those three little words, especially spoken with extreme urgency while in a moving vehicle, can alter his course of direction, modify his existing plans, and even cause him to come to an immediate stop by the side of the road. At least he’ll hightail it to the closest exit ramp.
You probably already know what they are. You may have said them yourself under similar circumstances. Three all-important little words: I gotta pee.
The degree of my husband’s reaction to those words will depend on my tone of voice. Also, if there’s desperation in my eyes or if I’m digging my fingernails into the dashboard, then he knows that he doesn’t have much time. At this moment he knows better than to tickle me or tease me about warm running water. He’d better head for the ditch right now, and I mean it, honey, or else!
If I can say those three little words without jiggling my leg or squirming in my seat, then he might ask if I can hold it a little longer. If I answer in the affirmative, then he knows that he still has time. If my legs are crossed and I’m literally holding it, then he has less time. If I can barely nod while making groaning noises that indicate I’m writhing in pain, then he knows that he’d better just go on ahead and pull over. No sense in waiting.
Nature called this past weekend while we were driving on some back roads. A sign indicated gas at the next turn-off, but there was no station to be seen. “Hurry!” I said, and he complied by pressing the accelerator. “Do you want me to stop right now?” he asked me. “Nooooooo!” I whined, searching frantically for a bush or a tree by the side of the road to hide behind. “But there’s no place to go!”
“Look, there it is!” I pointed and waved my hands, momentarily distracted from the mounting pressure. It appeared to be the only business for miles. My husband swerved the car into the empty parking lot as I unbuckled my seatbelt and flung open the passenger door.
It didn’t look like the gas station was open. I panicked. Time was of the essence. I ran around to the back, at the same time squeezing my thighs together, looking for a semi-secluded place for relief. It wouldn’t take long to whiz—only a few seconds. A little privacy is all I need, I thought. Just hang on, hang on a little longer.
I staked out a spot behind the air-conditioning unit, if I could just get in between it and the building. I tried to avoid stepping on broken glass and disturbed a scrawny tomcat in the process. He suspiciously eyeballed me over his shoulder before he bolted. I fumbled with the drawstring of my pants, scrambling to get them down to avoid an unfortunate accident. I squatted, then glanced around once more, hoping to avoid being seen. Aaaahhhhhhhh. Much better. Thank God, I was safe.
Returning to the front of the building, I gave the thumbs up to my husband waiting for me in the running car. As I passed by the front of the store, two teenage boys walked by me with sheepish grins on their faces. They snickered and gave me the thumbs up too. I pretended not to notice. Clearly what I thought was a private moment wasn’t after all.
I opened the car door and smiled gratefully at my husband. He understood, knowing me oh so well. Sweetly, he said three little words. Three little words that stirred my heart.
“Wanna Diet Coke?”
|
|
|
