Do you feel good about yourself? Part of the mission of this site is to support you in feeling great about yourself. I believe that when women are confident, they become great creators of change. In order for me to go forward and support charitable groups with my skills and time and to publish this magazine, I need to look at myself and say "wow, you rock". And you know what? I do. I'm not waiting to wear a size whatever before I tackle the world because I no longer need those external validations to move forward. And you don't either! Check daily for a 'feel good' moment. Thirty seconds at AWA can remind you to focus on what's great in you. Today, let's explore how to feel good.
I’ve learned (albeit slowly), that the way I feel about myself is in my control. When my feel good cues came from other people in the form of compliments or admiration, my feel bad cues were in their hands as well. Negative observations about my work or appearance would bring me down and in order to be brought back up, I needed more validation from somewhere else.
That is, until I took control of my self-esteem. The first thing I did was make a pact with myself to stop putting myself down. For years, I was the queen of self-deprecating humour and verbal abuse aimed straight at me. Cheesy as it sounds, but you wouldn’t talk about others the way you talk about yourself, so why is it ok to put yourself down?
I have some theories. The first is that we are taught at a very young age, that a healthy self-esteem is actually conceit. And no one likes a conceited girl. The higher you see yourself, the farther they can knock you down. You are an open target when you feel good about yourself. Someone wants to knock you down a peg or two until you feel as badly about yourself as they feel about themselves. Compliments come to those who are lowest and need boosting. Teenagers live this day in and day out and sadly, adults don’t often shake it off as they mature.
What if you made all your choices based on what you thought you deserved, when you felt your worst? The fact is, we make a lot of choices in that moment. Theory number two includes having to admit that we have made some poor choices because we didn’t see ourselves as worthy of more. From choosing a partner who’s critical of our every breath, to staying at an unfulfilling job and ignoring our true talents and dreams, we create a life that validates all those negative feelings about ourselves. This creates conflict as we accept our bodaciousness. How does someone as amazing as me, live a life as lousy as this? Facing those choices and making great changes create anxiety, fear, and self-doubt.
A great support system makes it easier to deal with stepping out of the life you’re in and into the one you deserve, but what if you don’t have that support system? You may have friends and family who love you, but do they love themselves? When they don’t, they may have difficulty supporting your new rockin’ self and the life you want to create that reflects it. Your confidence reminds them of their own fear of loving themselves and they often feel left behind. Hey – good thing you have As We Are! That’s what we are about – daily support to help you to keep moving forward with your awesomeness and build a network of confident, self-loving women.
On that note, please share with us, what it is you love about you and how you climb up on the days you feel down. Do you have a story to share about changing your life?
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And if you’re not there yet, maybe for today, every time you think something negative about yourself, you can counter it with something positive. It’s not as hard as it thinks. Start with “I’m so cool because I read As We Are”. |
Trudi Evans |
| About the author: |
| Trudi Evans is the publisher of As We Are Magazine and an active member of the board of directors for the Eating Disorders Action Group. Her interests range from politics and writing to environmentalism and mixed-berry cobblers. She resides in Nova Scotia with her spouse Rob, their son Sam, and Sam’s cat Hero. |
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