Keep thy tongue from speaking evil, from speaking guile…
I hate to recommend anyone smoke, gamble, drink (or eat) to excess, do drugs or engage in anything that puts their personal growth or soul on the line. But just this once…
After gossiping with my sister I realize how cathartic it is to dish about mothers-in-law, neighbors, co-workers or anyone else who has hurt me that week. And how safe it is. Neither one of us will come into contact with the characters we’ve just assassinated. And I sincerely doubt we would ever ruin each other by getting on the phone and saying: Did you hear what she said about you?
I understand the Bible’s warnings about idle gossip, those things said to destroy a person’s reputation. But we’re not out to malign the saints, just trade the idiosyncrasies of the people in our lives over which we have no control. Here are my guidelines for “healthy” gossip.
- Trust your listener. My sister and I have an unspoken pact: keep it to yourself. Make sure your kvetching partner is trustworthy.
- Employ humor. Otherwise the people you are gossiping about will drive you insane. That is their goal, so thwart them by laughing in their face (at a very safe distance).
- Be specific. It’s not helpful to say: She’s a @#$%! It’s better to say: She’s got me on speed dial on her landline, her cell and her work phone, she calls constantly and I can’t get AT&T to block her!
- Always remember your karma. It goes without saying that saying nasty stuff may come back around to bite you. Remove the kids from the room before you start talking.
- Immediate gratification. I don’t like to store up those teeth-clenching feelings, best to get on the phone and rant before you boil over when you see the irritating party.
If you really want to be healthy, you’ll allow a little bit of self-help to enter the conversation. Ask for some piece of advice that you can mull over. Maybe there’s a better way to handle the situation. And any time I can get guidance in dealing with my mother-in-law, that’s all good in my book.
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Bernadette Sukley |
| About the author: |
| Bernadette Sukley has written, edited, fact checked for nearly 20 years. Her topics range from health to sports and lifestyle, from human interest to hard news. Her work has appeared in Men’s Health, Sports Illustrated for Women, and ABROAD magazines. Currently polishing up 3 novels for publication, she welcomes discussions on women and literature.
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