I regret moving to a bad neighborhood where thin, talented, organized mothers who are also athletic, prowled the suburban streets and aimed to make all mothers in their path feel inferior.
--Erma Bombeck
Was she right? Does that mean you and I are in an embattled stated in order to make sure that our kids succeed?
I have no desire to compete in that arena. I know my butt would get kicked in the very first round. But I also know my kids love me and no other woman could do the same thing for them that I could. So let's ignore the starting gun and sign a "non-compete mommy form."
One way is to get that "I'm the proud parent of an honor student" off your bumper. We are all proud of our kids. Marilyn Manson's mom probably thinks he's just the cat's pajamas. Even if your child's IQ is considered low, aren't you still proud of him or her? Her love is reflected in your face when she accomplishes the simplest things, like tying her shoes. Now, that's a bumper sticker I want to see.
Another way is to teach your child how to say hello. In a world where social graces are waning, kids are becoming increasingly rude. I had the unfortunate opportunity to walk through a local high school and sit in on a class. I was horrified to learn that these were the advanced-placement kids. They nearly knocked me over -- they called their teacher "Jean." Neither she nor their parents taught them respect. But then, they were exploring their sexuality in English Lit with Hemingway and Hesse, so what could I expect? The students will probably end up dating the teacher.
I believe kids should call you Ms. or Mrs. -- not to make you feel "old" but because you deserve respect. It is a title of honor, and these days you've got to demand honor.
I grew up in a family that fostered competition, albeit in subtle ways. Grades were important, but our parents encouraged us to do the things we loved. Happily, we did not develop a deep sibling animosity, we ended up finding our niches -- all five of us. We explored the things that interested us and developed talent. We are still developing those talents. And we're raising our kids to be explorers, too. We'd rather celebrate their diversity than push them into unhealthy rivalry.
More importantly, as parents, we don't compete by holding up our children's accomplishments, vying for the title of the parent of the best child. Instead, we admire the unique love that each of us provides to our unique kids. |
Bernadette Sukley |
| About the author: |
| Bernadette Sukley has written, edited, fact checked for nearly 20 years. Her topics range from health to sports and lifestyle, from human interest to hard news. Her work has appeared in Men’s Health, Sports Illustrated for Women, and ABROAD magazines. Currently polishing up 3 novels for publication, she welcomes discussions on women and literature.
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