I spent years as a Mommy martyr, putting my needs below everyone else's (including the dog's.) My husband would encourage me to go out with friends, take a run, or ask for help. But I always had a reason why I couldn't. Here is just a partial list of the excuses I've used to deny myself support and joy:
* I may not have fun.
* I'm too tired.
* The baby will cry if I'm gone.
* I feel guilty accepting help without reciprocating.
* I don't have the time.
* Other women don't like me.
* It's too expensive.
* It's not that important. I can make do. I can do without.
* I'd rather stay home.
* That book is too "woo woo." It makes me uncomfortable.
* I'm afraid.
* I don't feel worthy.
This was not a fun way to live. I was depressed, resentful, and restless. Family and friends wanted to help, but I was uncomfortable accepting their love, denying myself the very thing I needed. I was attracted to Buddhist and New Thought writers, yoga, and chanting. But my Christian roots held me back. I was betwixt and between: uncomfortable with Christianity and uncomfortable with the New Age ideas I was exploring. Once I gave myself permission to release beliefs that no longer served me, I was able to embrace my new spirituality, and my healing.
Accepting my good means that I am open to all good that comes my way. It doesn't mean I adopt every belief/book that I read (I chew up the meat and spit out the bones), accept every invitation; or buy everything I want. But if my knee jerk reaction is always a "No," that makes for a miserable and stifled life.
Having an open mind to new ideas and experiences means that sometimes I won't have fun. I may be uncomfortable. I may be disappointed. A healing method may not work for me. But, on the flip side, I may have a great time. I could meet a new friend. I may discover a new author. And I will gain a better sense for what I do want, by perhaps experiencing what I don't.
Today, my tendency is to ask how. How can I squeeze in some exercise today? How can I afford those expensive sandals I'm eyeing? How can I get over this hurdle? By asking how, I'm opening myself up to endless possibilities. I don't have to know the answer. Instead, I'm making myself available to receive the help that the universe wants to give me, as it wants to give to everyone. |
Karly Randolph Pitman |
| About the author: |
| Karly Randolph Pitman is the founder of First Ourselves, whose mission is to help women love their bodies, feel beautiful, and make self care their top priority. A recovered Mommy Martyr (a woman who put everyone else's needs before her own), Karly nurtures herself with running, reading, Netflix, and girlfriend talks. She is the mother of four, the wife of one, and lives in the mountains of Montana.
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