Finding the Silver Lining |
Sometimes nothing seems to go right. The gray skies last for days, weeks, even months on end, until I wonder if it will always be overcast. But rather than attempt to chase the dark clouds away, I start looking for their silver linings—that is, finding what’s good in a bad situation.
I’ve had a week like that. First, I put my opinion out there and was rebuffed for my effort. Then, my husband wasn’t too sympathetic when I told him of my plight, which led to World War III. And gosh darn it, I broke a fingernail. Now that’s not funny. It hurt bad, real, real bad.
First, I wrote an article for this very magazine, called We Are Enough As We Are . The gist of the column was that women should be aware of making self-deprecating comments. It’s a little more involved than that, but you can read the column in its entirety yourself. To illustrate my point, I used an example of a successful woman on a discussion panel at a conference who mentioned several times that she was single and looking. Precisely because I saw her as so capable and charming, I thought she did herself a disservice by deeming herself incomplete without a partner, and I said so in my article. I took great pains not to mention her by name or indicate her profession.
This article was posted on a user group board by someone who felt confident that he knew this person’s identity and pointed it out in his introduction to my article. Then I got the blast of several other people on this discussion board who thought I was “catty”, that I “over-reacted” and one went so far as to say I was “wrong.” Ouch.
Of course, they missed the point of the article. I had to go back and explain it again, and I can only hope they got it the second time around.
The silver lining here was that I got some exposure from seasoned professionals. A few said they thought my article was well written (although one did go out of his way to point out two misspelled words and a grammatical error). But even more important was that I stood up for myself. In the end, I felt proud of my stance, even though not everyone agreed with me. I chose to take a controversial position and didn’t waver from it, which in turn helped build my confidence. (Insert pat on the back here.)
I am human, however. I felt hurt by the comments and had to work through those feelings while dealing with the situation. I shared these feelings with my husband, who was not interested in hearing them. I take it a step further. He was adamantly not interested. That hurt too, because it took courage to face the criticism, and I needed his support. I didn’t get it. Double ouch.
The silver lining in this case is now we are hashing through crud built up between us over a period of years. That one incident set the whole purging process in motion. Eventually the storm will blow over, and our relationship will be stronger for it. I hope. I’m counting on that silver lining, regardless.
My nail? Well, it broke below the quick. It hurt like heck, and it may not grow back the same. So what’s the silver lining in this one? I don’t know! One more visible sign I’m not perfect? The opportunity to laugh at myself? (Insert self-hug here.)
You know, since I started to believe in silver linings, I seem to have fewer bad days. I take more in stride, and I’m not as afraid of what does go wrong because I know that I will survive it. Even though a situation may feel rotten, the positive helps offset the negative, lessening the severity of the angst. All in all, less bad stuff shows up in my life because I focus on the good.
It’s also good to remember on those unforgiving, gray days, even though we can’t see it, the sun always shines above those thick, dark clouds. Always.
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