Anchored to the Church Lady |
Nothing garners more snickers in my neck of the woods than a Church Lady. You can spot these bossy, women-in-charge easily. We take our marching orders from these women, sometimes with a few stifled giggles or rolls of the eyes.
You know them. You may be related to one. They are the women of the church (or any organization, really) that keep it humming. They have the sexton's key. They know the whereabouts of the pastor even before his secretary does. They recall all the births and deaths of the community. I think local papers actually rely on their wisdom. These women know everybody's business. Sometimes they are annoying. Mostly, they are indispensable. I must admit -- I am one of them. Please don't laugh.
As many of us lose our children to their own lives, lose our spouses to death and divorce, we have a tendency, as women, to throw ourselves in to a situation where we feel needed and valued. This is the Church Lady. They are women with a void in their lives who fill a void in another's. Let's face it, congregations are disappearing, and it's more than difficult to get anyone to volunteer for anything, let alone bake brownies or teach Sunday school. I feel the void in our neighborhood, and I fill it partly because right now, there is no one else.
Some Church Ladies become the anchors that keep our ships tethered in the storms. Scandals have dashed many an organization against a rock. Faithful (or not so faithful) fall away. Lives are in disarray. The Church Ladies are the ones who take care of the day to day. They keep the routine, without which the pillars of our community would be pulled from under us.
Of course, not all Church Ladies do this. I've seen a few buckle; overwrought, they resign. The drama becomes too much for them. They forget they are only part, not the whole. It is not their scandal, not their shame yet they feel it ever so keenly. I have had the misfortune to be a part of this. I nearly gave into the emotional storm. I managed, with the help of a more practiced Church Lady (actually she's an ordained minister), to keep my bearings and to remain part of a place I love.
Often Church Ladies are lightning rods for complaints and dissent within an organization. Isn't that the case for most outspoken women? But have you noticed that once you take up the slack, you are in for it? In a position of authority, many shots are going to be fired over your bow. I got a few of those but held my return fire.
Perhaps, like so many Church Ladies, we cling too much to the routine. We have become the organization, the family with whom it will not run. I'd like to see a few of us fly free; take a vacation and let the new generation of get their feet wet. I need to let go. I need to be an ex-Church Lady. Wish me luck.
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Bernadette Sukley |
| About the author: |
| Bernadette Sukley has written, edited, fact checked for nearly 20 years. Her topics range from health to sports and lifestyle, from human interest to hard news. Her work has appeared in Men’s Health, Sports Illustrated for Women, and ABROAD magazines. Currently polishing up 3 novels for publication, she welcomes discussions on women and literature.
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