This is republished from First Ourselves. It's a nice mid-week reminder to take a breath and give ourselves a break.
Treating myself like a precious object will only make me stronger."
-Julia Cameron
A huge part of loving and accepting myself has been learning how to treat myself kindly. Sadly, this form of kindness hasn't always come naturally to me. I harbor an inner taskmaster/critic who drives me in a quest for perfection, to be always on the ball; to act as if I have it all together.
This taskmaster goes haywire when I'm grumpy, emotional, weepy, or self critical. What do you do when you're feeling lousy? Do you treat yourself kindly when you mess up? How do you treat yourself when you're not on your "best behavior?" Do you honor your body when it calls for rest, fun, coddling, or a break?
I spent years depressed and bitter. A huge contributing factor to my unhappiness was meanness: meanness towards myself. I treated myself with so little compassion and tenderness: pushing myself past my limits; ignoring my still, small voice; criticizing myself harshly for mistakes. When I changed my habits, and made self care a priority, I found myself again. At first, this manifested in physical, tangible means: spending money on my wishes, desires, and wants. But at some point self care goes beyond buying a new pair of shoes or getting a massage.
Real self care is about treating yourself as tenderly and compassionately as you would treat a small child. We mistakenly think that growing up means becoming tough, stern, and a taskmaster. It's no wonder we love the confidence and uninhibited freedom of childhood: your internal critic has yet to surface. If I want to reclaim my unselfconsciousness, if I want to feel that same ease in my skin, then I must abide in kindness, and its cousin, grace.
Yelling at children doesn't cause them to behave...at least, not for the right reasons, and not permanently. Discipline and punishment don't work in the long run, either. Those same tactics fail on ourselves. Yet think of how many times we as women engage in such behavior: squeezing into too small clothing, or not buying new clothes until we've lost weight. Think of eating too little, eating too much. Think of too much work, not enough rest, not enough play.
We are all such tender creatures. Plato said it best: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Women's strength---our ability to tread through the slings and arrows of life, with our courage intact---is only surpassed by our fragility: our willingness to open our hearts wide, to love, and loss. It's the blessing, and curse, of being human: our very vulnerability is also what makes us so powerful.
When you're feeling vulnerable, lost, scared, frustrated, angry, tired, worn out, inside out, instead of pushing yourself forward, or labeling your feelings as "bad," offer yourself the gift of kindness. Quiet your mind, and ask yourself, "What do I most need right now?" And then find a way to meet it.
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Karly Randolph Pitman |
| About the author: |
| Karly Randolph Pitman is the founder of First Ourselves, whose mission is to help women love their bodies, feel beautiful, and make self care their top priority. A recovered Mommy Martyr (a woman who put everyone else's needs before her own), Karly nurtures herself with running, reading, Netflix, and girlfriend talks. She is the mother of four, the wife of one, and lives in the mountains of Montana.
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