Guest Blog: Confessions of a Dolt |
My poor unborn child. He or she will be the unfortunate offspring of an inept mommy-to-be. Oh, I’m great with toddlers and older kids…but BABIES? Clueless.
I have never been around babies, except when I *was* a baby. Even my dollies were in pull-up panties. According to my (currently hormonally fallible) memory, the youngest baby I’ve held is a 3-month-old. I have never changed a diaper, I have no idea what I really need versus what talented marketing execs want me to think I need. In my high school child development class I had to be excused during the showing of a childbirth film; my dry-heaving made my fellow classmates uncomfortable. I’ll be 38 years old when my baby arrives – you would think along the way I would have overheard bits of baby info when my friends or co-workers were in their nesting phase. No. So here I am, a big dumb 37-year-old minimalist dolt trying to figure out what my baby needs, without going bankrupt – or worse – cluttering my small home with a bunch of unnecessary stuff.
Kate to the rescue! My friend Kate and her fiancé, Michael, own the coolest eco-store in Dallas. Green Living (www.green-living.com) opened four-and-a-half years ago and has steadily gained a loyal client base. All of their products meet rigorous standards that benefit people and planet. So when my mom started asking me about diapers and toys and changing tables and…aargh, sensory overload…I knew Kate would be able to educate me. She and store manager, Carol, spent about two hours with me last Saturday. I knew I wanted to use cloth diapers; disposables clog landfills. Beyond that? Umm…Carol showed me the proper way to fold for a boy, and then for a girl. She demonstrated inserting folded diapers into the reusable covers, and then snapping or securing the Velcro strap. Don’t worry if you forget, she assured me. There are wonderfully helpful diagrams on the bummis.com website. Whew. Greek I could figure out, but baby language reads like stereo instructions, and I seldom read (or follow) instructions.
Kate and Carol made me feel more confident about this diaper-folding business. They showed me all the accessories and clothes and baby-slings. Green Living sells a customized basket brimming with everything a new mommy will need. My mom wants to order it for me, so I asked them to show me the goods. I got hung up on the 36 diapers. Wow, I thought, 36. That should last me the first week. Wrong, dolt. My jaw dropped when Carol told me to expect to use 12-15 diapers per day the first few weeks. Kate stepped in – I think she was afraid I would slip into a catatonic coma – and introduced me to Melissa, one of her long-time customers. Melissa and her husband pointed out the benefits of using cloth diapers. They assured me it would be much easier than it sounded, and now that their son is around two, he helps dispose of his ‘pee-pee’ diapers. Excellent, I thought, a self-sufficient kid.
I picked up my jaw, thanked Melissa for her diaper public service announcement, and decided to try on clothes. I’m rapidly running out of wardrobe options. Button-fly shorts are a no-no, as are zippers. They are no longer my friends. I found on eBay a great pair of black organic cotton shorts with drawstring waist that will adjust to my expanding body, but I really would like something in khaki or tan. Instead I found a lovely hemp swirly skirt in lime green – adorable. It will get me through the warmer months no matter how big I get. At least for now I will be a properly dressed dolt.
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Christy Ilfrey |
| About the author: |
| Christy Tinsley-Ilfrey is an entrepreneur, gardener, eco-goddess; a wife, mother-to-be, daughter, sister; but mostly she sees herself as a writer. Someday, she hopes to become a really good one. Read more about her and by her at http://greenqueendom.blogspot.com or contact her at
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