Halloween is just around the corner. Lurking, probably. Before you know what’s hit you, it’s going to spring out, pelting you with eggs and demanding edibles. If you’re not careful, you might find yourself utterly unprepared on the big night, handing out pennies and pocket lint to small children, or worse, apples.* And then, there also comes an age when you’re officially too old to trick or treat. It’s different for everyone, but by 35, or possibly 40, it’s losing its glamour. And besides, all your neighbors are giving you funny looks.

To avoid ticking off trick-or-treaters, or (just as bad) joining their ranks, we’ve presented you with some cheerful Halloween merch below for some grown-up fun, whether it’s hosting a party or just (no, we won’t judge you!) dressing up your dog.

Halloween isn’t Halloween without food. And what do people like to see when they munch their way down to the bottom of whatever you’re feeding them? A festive spider! Okay, maybe just on Halloween. But look at him. Isn’t he a cute widdle spider? Yes, he is. $21.95 for a set of four .

Maybe on Halloween all bets are off, etiquette-wise, but it’s still polite to help your guests find their seats with placecard holders and placecards. You have to set some standards, or before you know it, the gorilla and the vampire will be fighting over who gets the biggest cupcake. $16.95 for a set of four .

Yelling through rubber masks at other partygoers and gritting your teeth while you coo “leave some for the other children” at the tiny heathens mobbing your candy bowl—that’s thirsty work. Fortunately, the ”pick your nose” party cups not only handily hold your beverage, but provide a costume for anyone sartorially unprepared. $7.49 for 24.

Halloween is more about sweet than savory, but at some point, your fatigued palate may demand something with actual salt and pepper in it. If so, these adorable hugging ghost shakers are in keeping with the spirit of the season. $25.00

Cleanup is a fact of life, even if you’re dressed as a mobile phone or a rubber chicken. And certainly there are a lot of twee Halloween dishtowels out there. These , though, aren’t among them: modern, cute interpretations of traditional Halloween animals on the first towel vie with a second towel’s infinitesimal Halloweeny dots. $9.95 for two.

Candles are standard, but if you’re looking for something less, er, dribbly, you might try these ghost string lights hung over the table, in the window, or along the front porch rail to entice innocent trick-or-treaters into taking away most of the candy so they’ll be the ones in the sugar coma, not you. $21.95

Depending on where you are, October can be a little cold. Fortunately, there’s still time to knit up a slightly disturbing cat scarf between now and the big day, and Morehouse Farm Merino has a simple kit for $29.90.

Sexy nurse, sexy cat, sexy police officer, sexy hazardous waste disposal worker…sigh. Let’s just say the costume choices for women are, uh, limited. If you’re trying to throw together something on your own, may we suggest you consider starting with the ninja bunny hat? Probably no one else will be wearing that. $40.00

Tootsie rolls and those gross marshmallow pumpkins are good enough for the kids—in fact, if memory serves, they actually tasted good way back when. If you’re looking for some grown-up candy, though, the coffin chocolates , handmade of white chocolate by Moonstruck Chocolates, might be more your speed. They’re like a sick, sick version of the chocolate Easter bunny: do you start with the feet, or put it out of its misery right away by starting with the head? $20.00

You didn’t think we were going to leave your dog out, did you? Dressing up a cat is like trying to dress up a fanged tornado made of shrapnel and hate, but dressing up a dog isn’t harder than dressing a moderately whiny toddler. And no matter how hard it is, I couldn’t leave this dogzilla costume out of the column. The only way this could be better is if you constructed a tiny little village for him to destroy. (Make the villagers of cheese for guaranteed destruction.) $7.68

Oh, we could go on and on. Want a rubber head for your candy bowl? Tiny, deranged-looking personalized bat basket for your kid’s candy? A skeleton street lamp ? But I’m getting carried away.

The only really important thing is this: whether you’re dressing up as a sexy this or that (vending machine repair professional? mime? manicurist?) or just drunk-texting people from the bar while wearing a silly hat, don’t forget to celebrate our least responsible holiday. Dress up your dog. Dress up yourself. Dress up your house. And hide at least half the Halloween candy for yourself, because even though it’s almost two months until Thanksgiving right now, trust me: they’ll roll out the Christmas stuff in stores on November 1st. And when they do, you’re probably going to need the energy.

*Anything, no matter how reflective of poor or absent planning, is better than health food on Halloween.