Did you ever have the feeling that your life didn’t quite fit right -- that, like a piece of too-tight clothing, it felt constricting and made you want to break out and be free?
I’ve been feeling that way lately. I’ve felt a bit disgruntled much of the time, though until a few days ago I couldn’t put words to what was wrong. I have a coaching practice that I love. I regularly get creative writing assignments from reputable educational publishers. I don’t work for anyone but myself. And I'm flooded with gratitude on a daily basis because I'm free to work in my jammies, schedule my days as I please, and take time off when I want.
I live in a place where wildlife is practically at my fingertips; last fall I saw a bobcat a quarter mile from my apartment, and every day I see bunnies, lizards, and a wide variety of birds from my living room window. I live in a place with no winter weather and rare morning rain, which allows me to enjoy a long walk every morning. I have good friends who are as passionate as I am about personal growth, nature, and living an awake life.
What in the world could I have to be disgruntled about?
Yet something isn’t right. When I pay attention, I can see the clues left and right. I drink caffeine as a drug. I’m often short-tempered in public. At times I’m flooded with wordless grief. And I’ve spent much of the last year healing from a breakup that propelled me into some of the hardest soul-searching -- and some of the richest lessons -- of my life. I’ve been a recluse while navigating this time, while simultaneously super-busy with work.
A few days ago, it came to me that I’m both overstimulated and bored. I’m overstimulated by the minutiae of life -- the errands, chores, and everyday hassles -- as well as by the rigors of deadlines and the intense research required by many of my writing assignments. (I’m not at all bored with being a life coach -- quite the contrary!) And I’m bored by the routines, even the routine ways I break up the routines.
With the help of my life coach, I’ve come to understand that some of my basic needs aren’t being met by my current lifestyle. She asked me when in my life I’ve felt really happy. The first thing I thought of was that I used to move to a new city or state every three to five years. When my coach asked what those moves did for me, I identified that they provided me with a huge dose of adventure and discovery. They also allowed me to experience and strengthen my resilience and resourcefulness. After living in Tucson for seven years -- the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere as an adult -- I’m itching for new adventures.
I feed my need for adventure in certain ways. For example, I’m participating in a year-long training in Internal Family Systems in Portland, Oregon, and I’ve tacked on a couple of soul-nourishing trips to the ocean. I have an insatiable appetite for learning and ongoingly take new coaching classes to broaden my training. And every coaching experience, as both coach and client, is a deeply satisfying treasure hunt.
But my coach helped me see that for the most part, I’m lacking adventure in my everyday life, and I’m suffering in its absence. With her support, I brainstormed ways to add more adventure to my life in Tucson, since I don’t have any desire to move. My list includes day trips to:
• Colossal Cave and Kartchner Caverns
• Kitt Peak National Observatory (I freely admit to being a science geek)
• A cactus and succulent research garden and a bird observatory in nearby Bisbee
• Chiracahua National Monument in Willcox, a collection of rock spires eroded from ash layers from a volcanic eruption 27 million years ago
• Organ Pipe Cactus National Monument, which has a plethora of Sonoran Desert plants and animals
In-town adventures include:
• visits to several cactus and succulent nurseries (I revel in seeing all the varieties in which life comes)
• visits to aquarium stores and exotic reptile stores (ditto)
• Arizona Early Music Society concerts
And I’m starting to check out possible volunteer opportunities, including:
• a pro bono opportunity to coach women in transition (see One to One Women Coaching Women )
• plant propagation at a botanical garden
• two environmental organizations that have local offices
When I look at my list, I feel gleeful about the options. Even more, I remember the many things in life that bring me joy. I sense possibilities for finding new friends who share my interests. My sense of adventure has been rekindled, thanks to a one-hour coaching session that essentially began with one question:
What turns you on in life? My coach helped me remember that joyful living grows from accessing my passions and my vision of an ideal life, day to day and moment to moment. When I keep aiming my life toward that vision, my heart sings. Coaching works!
Got a question?Please e-mail your question to
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and put "Kira" in the subject line. I'll respond to questions in future columns.
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Kira Freed |
| About the author: |
| Kira Freed is a Certified Life Coach (CLC) and former psychotherapist with master's degrees in counseling psychology and anthropology. She has been passionate about personal growth since her teenage years and has been fortunate to attend a wealth of professional trainings and workshops. She has worked in the field of human development since 1990 and is inspired by and honored to collaborate with coaching clients in the emergence and expression of their authentic selves. Kira lives in Tucson, Arizona, and most of her clients work with her by telephone. She can be reached at
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for more information or to book a coaching session. She offers a sliding scale, and the first session is free. This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it |
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