Mothering the Mother, Mothering Ourselves |
A loving, nurturing mother tends to become the very center of her family's health and happiness...This nurturing role can be enormously fulfilling. It can also deteriorate into martyrdom if a mother gives her children and spouse the love and care she doesn't feel that she herself is worthy of receiving."
-Christiane Northrup, "Mother-Daughter Wisdom"
I am a grown woman, with four children of my own, and yet their are times when I say outloud, "I want my Mom." This is usually when I'm sick, overwhelmed, exhausted, or worn to a raveling, as Beatrix Potter put it. This is often when I announce to my family, like Alexander and his terrible, no good, very bad day, that I am moving to Australia. Or Tahiti. Somewhere where no one says, "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy..."
When I'm pining for my mom, it's a sign that I need nurturing. I want someone to take care of me. I want sympathy. I want to feel like a sick seven year old who is indulged with attention.
It has taken me many years to learn that the only person who can mother me is me.
This weekend, we honor and celebrate the gift of motherhood. Being a mom is a privilege. But it is also a lot of work.
As we embark on the task of helping along those young souls that have been entrusted to our care, let us remember to mother ourselves. Nurturing myself isn't solely about making sure that my tank is full, so that I have a reservoir from which to help others. That's a part of it. But my children are more than empty vessels to be filled.
Rather, I can only give to others what I have inside myself. Author Wayne Dyer, in his book "Real Magic," uses this analogy: squeezing an orange will only give you orange juice. No matter how hard you try, you can't make lemonade, or apple juice.
I will not have patience with my children's shortcoming unless I am patient with my own. I can't give my children unconditional love unless I give myself unconditional love. I can't be empathetic with my children's pain unless I show myself empathy, too.
Mothering myself means honoring my needs, from the inside out, so that I can endow those gifts---kindness, joy, compassion, tenderness, love---both to my children, and to myself. |
Karly Randolph Pitman |
| About the author: |
| Karly Randolph Pitman is the founder of First Ourselves, whose mission is to help women love their bodies, feel beautiful, and make self care their top priority. A recovered Mommy Martyr (a woman who put everyone else's needs before her own), Karly nurtures herself with running, reading, Netflix, and girlfriend talks. She is the mother of four, the wife of one, and lives in the mountains of Montana.
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