Not major news for the country, or the world, but for me it was devastating. We all know more women than we should who go through divorce. We all suffer. It wasn’t my husband who was drinking and verbally abusive but it was a loss for me. A grief counselor told me once, that divorce is the death of a dream. No matter how bad a marriage there’s always the hope that it will become better and finally fulfill the couple. It was the death of my dream for marital happiness for my sister. But she’s landed on her feet. She’s teaching in addition to her regular job. Which is great for her, not that she need a distraction but she has this outlet to tell her (or reinforce) that she makes a significant contribution to society. She is needed and wanted.

I know a woman who went berserk after her divorce.  A librarian, she took dictator-like control over a small library. She became impatient with the volunteer staff and ended up doing everything herself. She panicked when books didn’t come in, she became gloom and doom for the future of the library and she sent the local school kids on wild goose chases. Volunteers drifted away, students got other jobs, and the only people who go to the library now are the few who don’t dislike her. She’s in danger of losing her job. She forgot how to need other people in a healthy way. She never forgave herself for her mistakes and never forgave others for their crimes, real or imagined.

I don’t know Paris Hilton but I feel sorry for her, I really do. She shouldn’t have had any DUIs. Couldn’t one of the paparazzi who surrounds her constantly, driven her home? What a story that would’ve been. Didn’t any of her friends (who aren’t supposed to let other friends drive drunk) make her sleep in the guest bedroom? What ugly silence did Paris hear when she announced she was drunk? It’s kinda our fault—we are a nation of observers, enviers. As with my sister, I was jealous of her handsome husband, her advanced degrees, her sweet little home in a picturesque neighborhood. But I never really asked how she was, never offered to “drive” when she needed a friend. I hope it’s not too late for her. I hope that she doesn’t become a library Nazi or another Paris Hilton.  Neither woman has the true self-love that makes her say “I am important enough allow others to help me.”