Like the legendary swallows that return each March to San Juan Capistrano, flocks of the world’s largest roaches have come scuttling like clockwork back to the quaint little burg of Deep Inferno, Louisiana.
Every May, this astonishing event draws thousands of tourists from around the world. Travelers gather to gawk in horror as the giant vermin, some as large as mid-sized Buicks, scurry underfoot and wave their antennas menacingly.
“Mio dio!” shrieked Giannina Caggiano, as she dangled from an overhead chandelier. Ms. Caggiano, 38, is a first-time visitor who journeyed all the way from Milan, Italy to witness the amazing migration. When asked if she would be coming back to Deep Inferno again next May, she closed her eyes and repeated, “Mio dio! Mio dio! Mio dio!” until her husband waded through the swarming roaches and carried her away.
“When one of those roaches wandered into my motel room, my first impulse was to drop a phone book on it and squash it,” said Brenda Stallings, 42, of Sacramento, California, as she perched on top of the motel’s tv set. “But ha, wouldn’t you know? The Deep Inferno telephone book is no bigger than the menu at Denny’s. The damn roach just picked it up and threw it right back at me.”
Deep Inferno resident Vibrating Liz, 53, says she gets around this dilemma by using thick, heavy, mostly outdated computer manuals. “One night the roaches just stormed my house,” she explained as she reclined comfortably in a rust-colored Barcalounger that had been temporarily relocated to the top of her refrigerator. “Hundreds of them, running all around, their little feet click-click-clicking on the hardwood floors. I was flinging those big books right and left.
Finally I was so frazzled and worn out, I just couldn’t deal with cleaning up the corpses until the next day. A friend dropped by later that night and saw the complete works of Laura Lemay scattered randomly all over the house. I started to apologize for the mess, but he said, ‘Oh no I understand perfectly. I get pretty frustrated with CSS myself sometimes.’”
According to Ms. Vibrating, her least favorite part of the annual roach invasion is the way the roaches “play possum” in the mornings. “You get up just before dawn and wander into the kitchen to make tea, and there’s this enormous roach lying on its back in the middle of the floor. Its nasty hairy legs are all curled up and it looks pretty dead, but if you try to sweep it into a dust pan or pick it up with a paper towel? Whooowee!
Be prepared to double up on your therapy sessions for the next month or two.” |
Vibrating Liz |
| About the author: |
| Vibrating Liz is an avid writer, dancer, gardener, weight lifter, and cancer survivor who firmly believes that 50 is the new 18. She lives in a small rural village in the quirkiest part of the deep south with an engaging assortment of flora and fauna |
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