When I go to visit my youngest sibling, the self-made woman, I am wishing for the old switcheroo. I want her life. She does what she wants, when she wants.
In the last two years. She’s had the pleasure of travel--trips to LA, Hawaii and Paris. As a single woman with no serious beaus (she likes it that way) she is free to carry on as she pleases.
Me, I’ve got obligations all over the place; the guild meetings, the chores that go along with an at-home business. The deadlines not to be missed, the groceries to buy and school functions to attend. My sister challenges me--are these my excuses? Do I hide behind a chaotic life because I’m afraid to take risks.
I have three quotes taped to my hard drive. They mean so much to me. The paper is worm and dog-eared, but one special quote is from Martha Beck: “Any transition serious enough to alter your definition of self will require not just small adjustments in your way of living and thinking but a full-on metamorphosis.”
And that’s just what my sister says I need. I turned down a trip to Europe. Why? She asks. I didn’t have the plane fare, the husband grumbled and... She stops me. “I still don’t understand why you didn’t go. You had the invitation, you had a free place to stay and you would have gotten a well-deserved vacation.” Repeat after me, she says: “A full-on metamorphosis.”
These caterpillar to butterfly alterations are no easy things. You maybe go through one or two in your lifetime. And they wear you out. Transitions from jobs, relationships, marriage to divorce, childbearing into menopause. We have a trunk-full of them simply because we are women.
My sister tells me, that I should not define my life by my work. In Europe it isn’t done that way, you are never asked about your job, it’s considered rude. Work is what you do, not what you are. She tells me to define and describe myself by what I love to do. I love to write, I love to watch my children play, I love to go our little local library and find that one good read, I love to dish with my sisters. So I am a writer, a mom, a lover of literature. And a big sister.
She and I share the same genetic pool. But she has emerged as the butterfly. When I tell her I haven’t emerged from my chrysalis yet, she laughs. She says I have, I am the butterfly with chicken wings.
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Bernadette Sukley |
| About the author: |
| Bernadette Sukley has written, edited, fact checked for nearly 20 years. Her topics range from health to sports and lifestyle, from human interest to hard news. Her work has appeared in Men’s Health, Sports Illustrated for Women, and ABROAD magazines. Currently polishing up 3 novels for publication, she welcomes discussions on women and literature.
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